Porky's Norovirus: The Revenge

It's been days since I last posted and I refuse to let this blog go the same way as all of the previous ones, so here's a post about pork. Yes, bloody pork.

There was supposed to be a post a couple of days ago as I was on the verge of making a new software release - an entirely new product, in fact. But I got mired in reworking one of the (user-)controls that it uses and then made changes to the Metro-style interface. The following day: I got Norovirus. Never heard of other countries getting it but I assume it goes under a different name; the UK gets it yearly, and I get it really, really bad.

I got Norovirus once back in 2001. I've never had it before, I never heard of it before (it didn't even have a name AFAICT), and the doctor didn't even seem to know what it was. Speaking of the doctor, a quick, cringey tale:

When he arrived on the house call and he saw me riddled with this Noro-thing, I repeatedly said to him that it's so bad that I frequently wished I was dead. While he tried to remain professional, I could tell he was mad and irritated.

The following day I found out his dad died that very same day.

It lasted for a week and was probably the worst thing I've ever been through (barring personal tragedies and the like, of course). It was a week, but it honestly felt like it lasted for multiple as in my mind time slowed down to such a degree that I was physically - literally - moving in slow motion. Bonus Fact: I got a PayPal charge-back during that week as I was unable to process an order someone made for my first-ever (PC) shareware app.

That was the first time that I ever got the Norovirus, and thankfully the last time I experienced the slowing effect.

It was hell. Possibly literal to some degree as my spastic-mind imprisoned me in my very own bullet-time nightmare. The day it ended, my mum made me fried-spam-in-toast sandwiches. I got a craving for them; guess that's what happens without food for a week.

When my niece and nephew appeared years later, the Norovirus became a regular feature of the year - sometimes even twice a year as they were getting it at different times. I may seemingly be partially-immune to getting the cold or flu (when I do get them, it lasts for around 10 minutes - a really un-fun 10 minutes), but Norovirus? It's my jam.

It always starts the same way and it always ends the same way.

I'll get a sore throat. I never get a sore throat for any other reason. Once that happens, I know the following six days are going to be horrible. The night of that day I get woken up to a pounding headache, dizziness, weak and sore joints and muscles, and a weird feeling like my head is continually expanding; a form of headache, I assume. The rest of the night I'll wake-up and fall asleep around 20-50 times, often within a minute or two between each "event". I'll actually sleep for an hour when it starts to get light, presumably because of how exhausted I am.

The following day I'm a shambling zombie; everything hurts and my brain is wrapped in cotton wool. The day is completely wasted... until I discovered something.

If I carry on through the day as though nothing is wrong, the symptoms of the Norovirus essentially disappear for that day.

I didn't do that this time and consequently I wasted the day on the settee somewhat watching TV. I haven't done that in a long time, and I kinda enjoyed it. I had to start watching stuff on the HTPC because live TV appears to just be full of boring, tedious shite.

The following day - today - I'm sat here writing this. I want to at least be somewhat productive. I'll try and release that new app, too. I've got two more projects to update and release, too, and a lot of website stuff to get done. In one of those rare times, I'm actually busy.

What? Oh - oh, right: pork.

I mentioned pork at the start of this post. Yes.

Over the last few days there's been reports in the British (British? I remember when we used to say English - when did that change?) press about imported pork being infected with Hepatitis E.

It's only today that I've finally been able to find out which supermarket may be responsible: Tesco.

I do most of my shopping at Tesco simply because the one near me is massive and I love their reduced section because I exclusively eat meat and dairy and the reduced bit has an abundance of those (from their deli) at half price.

Now it turns out their own-brand - assuming Tesco is Supermarket X - pork sausages and ham may have Hepatitis E. The ones that aren't labelled British; as in, imported from the EU.

I bring this up because the symptoms of Hep-E appears to be the same as Norovirus.

When I got Norovirus yesterday, something was different: I didn't get the initial sore throat the day before. I got plunged directly into the middle of the second day with the weakness and all of it.

Just before starting this post it appears this whole Hep-E thing happened 2014 - 2016, so maybe it's unrelated. Still, in all these years I've never once not had the sore throat signalling that the end-times are coming.